Monday afternoon

Dear Family and Friends,

If we are quiet enough, and aware enough we can commune with the spirits that inhabit the space in which we find ourselves. This afternoon I stood on the very spot where Romero's body fell after being fatally wounded. My hand brushed the stone floor where his blood was poured out.  I prayed at the altar of his sacrifice. I walked through his living quarters and breathed the air he breathed.  I cannot explain in words the feelings coursing through my own veins as I stand in this space—this space that such a holy man, who cared so deeply for his people lived holds stories of pain and suffering and yet ... Once again ... Hope! His life has not been forgotten, he preached of his potential death saying if he were to be killed that he would rise again in the Salvadoran people—this was clearly a prophesy that has been fulfilled and continues to be so!

"On this altar Monsignor Oscar A. Romero offered his life to God for his people."

¡Oscar Romero Presente!

Con amor,

Sarita

Monday 11:30 am

 Dear Family and Friends,

This will be a difficult post to read. My heart aches for the women who have just shared their stories with us, stories of loss with no resolution or truth. What I am going to share of the stories of the "Madres" is at times graphic. But if we turn our face from it simply because it "turns us off" then we only perpetuate injustice.

Here are their stories ...

Una Madre spoke of the story of her brothers who were catechists during the early 80s. Both ended up being detained after which the family never heard of them again. Her family would hear of bodies being discovered and they would go to identify their relatives but the skin of their faces would often be removed making it incredibly difficult to identify their loved ones.  After losing her brothers her husband and son were both killed. She just kept experiencing pain and loss. She wants justice and she wants to know the truth.  I cannot imagine the "not knowing" questions never to be answered ... 

Segunda Madre spoke of losing her son in 1980. I could hear the pain in her words. But it was the second part of her story that brought audible gasps. She lost a second son who disappeared in 2012. She believes this only proves the continued existence of death squads. This was almost harder to hear than the stories of the civil war ... We are talking three years ago! 

What most struck me was her reason for wanting the truth—she wants to give her sons a proper Christian burial. To me this speaks of the deep need for justice and truth ... These women, these families, this country has no closure.  She said, "how can we forget something that is still bleeding in our hearts? The wounds are not being reopened, they have never healed!"

I want to end with her final remarks, "I know that you too feel the pain and suffering because you too lost your sisters."

Con Paz y justicia,

Sarita

Monday 8:40 am

Dear Family and Friends,

I am standing at the wall of memory and truth where the names of those disappeared and murdered during the civil war are etched into the stone. 

It is deeply reminiscent of our own Vietnam Memorial Wall.  There is stillness and sadness here but there also is hope! Names remembered with flowers and letters. One letter from a grandson to his grandfather ... I find myself wondering how old he is ... Did he know his grandfather? Does he only know him through story? How many people and families come to remember? 

I am so aware that this war happened in my life span. While I was a child of the 80s playing with my glow worms and Care Bears the children of the 80s in El Salvador were witnesses to death and despair. I have so many questions ... So few answers ...

We are being summoned to regather ... I shall sign off for now.

Con fe,

Sarita

Saturday Night 7:30 pm

Dear Family and Friends,

What do we do with imperialism? I mean I'm the first to admit that my way is usually the best not to mention most efficient way of doing things. But when I really step back and reflect is that a universal truth or a truth for me alone? If my family (or anyone close to me) is reading this they would surely have a different "truth" to speak!  

This afternoon we heard from Maria Silvia Guillen a lawyer and ex-director of FESPAD ("a national organization dedicated to the development of a just and democratic El Salvador through the correct application of the law, especially around human rights.") She spoke with a deep passion for the people and society of El Salvador, she spoke with a desire to find a better way, she spoke with an urgency that makes me question, "what is my role?"  From where I stand where can I go and what can I do? And maybe the simple sharing and passing on of the story is mine to do ...

Maria spoke of imperialism, she shared that the United States is too involved in El Salvador and that a government who does not know the culture and people should not be dictating it. I don't know what the answer is ... I do not know enough of the political and social situation of the country to, as of yet, make an informed opinion on this matter—but what I can definitively say is that her words cannot be ignored and one must spend time to look into the truth they hold before really holding an opinion on them.

 

But I go back to my opening thought ... When it comes to imperialism is there ever really a "universal way"? Maybe the better way is dialogue? And isn't that what this week is about? I hope that's what I can pass on to you. We all need to be a little bit more open to conversation and let go of the way we "know" is best ... Because that's the space where magic happens and human dignity is restored!

Tomorrow is sure to be a long day ... I should attend to resting my body!

Con bendiciones,

Sarita 

Romero's Tomb

Sunday 12:30 pm

Dear Family and Friends,

There is an indescribable feeling of celebrating liturgy with the tomb of Oscar Romero prominently watching over the worship space. 

After Mass we gathered around his impressive tomb, I reached my hand out and as my palm made contact with the metal encasement I felt a power surge through my body and tears filled my eyes.  I was overwhelmed by this strong physiological reaction. I was caught in my own little world for that moment, though hundreds frenetically moved about me I was frozen and the world fell silent.  A moment later I snapped back to the reality of the present. And we moved toward the bus.

What was that moment? I reconcile it to be an experience of the communion of saints of El Salvador reaching through the thin veil to touch my hand.

The priest spoke to us after liturgy thanking us for our presence. He shared that simply being here does something for the cause of justice!  Well Father, it does good for my soul too.

Con mucho emociones buenos,

Sarita 

9:25 am

Dear Family and Friends,

I won't be getting lost ... On top of being on Latino time I forgot I'm the youngest by far! Bus driver just turned the bus off! Guess we're a putzy group!

Con paciencia,

Sarita 

1st Sunday of Advent 9:00 am

Dear Family and Friends,

A quick note this morning as we gather to head to the cathedral and Romero sites.  There are two poignant thoughts I feel compelled to share.

The first is the embodiment of the word "presente"—this simple word holds deep importance to the Salvadoran people. It is a word that brings all those who have been lost to the injustices and violence of the country to our memory and continued lived experience. In other words I suppose we could say "you are never forgotten!" 

The second is a phrase Jose shared during our morning orientation, "we are here to do justice!" What I so deeply felt was that tiny two letter word "do". Justice will not occur without the actions of others ... Dare I say ... Of us!

We're off better go before I'm left behind!

Con Paz,

Sarita 

Saturday 5:30 pm

Dear Family and Friends,

Did you know international flights offer meals? I'm regretting the ten dollar burrito I bought in Dallas realizing now Taco Salad is being served on board ... For free! The first of many "culture shock" moments to come I'm sure!

In all seriousness, I have always loved international flights . . . Not just for the food, though that is certainly an item to be added to the pros list, but because it's a mini-culture unto itself! I would imagine there are two significant cultures represented aboard—North Americans and Salvadorans. But I would also venture to claim there are even more than that! We all sit side by side doing our best to share small spaces!

Already I've made use of my Spanish, and have already been made fun of for it—in a very loving and endearing way I'm sure!  Gabriel the flight attendant has now refused to speak English to me after my admitting that necesito practicar mi espanol para este semana.

I absolutely love Latino cultures! There is a playful yet deeply relational way about them that reminds me of the inter-connectedness of all humanity.  I wonder if that is in part a source of hope that the Salvadoran people hold in their hearts?

We took off into the sunset earlier and now the deepest shade of blue gray lingers. Soon it will be dark. We are a little more than an hour from stepping foot on the soil of El Salvador.  I wait in anticipation of the adventure that lies ahead!

Con Paz y Amor,

Sarita

Saturday 1:00 pm Mid-Flight

Dear Family and Friends,

I could say the first leg of the journey is going smoothly if it weren’t for the uninterrupted stream of turbulence we are experiencing.  I always say turbulence is just like a roller coaster ride with the slight exception of being 30 thousand feet off the ground--which I agree makes it a bit more unsettling.  But in some ways the “unsettling-transition” of my flight seems oddly appropriate of my travels to El Salvador, a country whose very history is riddled with all things “unsettled.”

As I prepared for my time in El Salvador I read the Pre-Delegation Packet provided by SHARE to become acquainted with the history and present state of the country.  I thank SHARE for their thorough and poignant introduction.  El Salvador has a bleak history in which the years of the Civil War (1980-1992) brought so much violence, death, and unrest to the Salvadoran People.  But what we sometimes . . . often . . . forget, or maybe ignore, or maybe we are, at times, simply too pessimistic to realize . . . is the thread of hope that has woven itself through this seemingly dark time.  The women we are remembering (what this whole week is about) are themselves by the very lives they chose to live, symbols of hope.  They gave voice to the voiceless and watched over the lost and forgotten, and for the sake of securing human dignity gave their lives along with Oscar Romero and the Jesuit Martyrs.

These seeds of hope planted by the life blood of those martyred steadily grows in El Salvador.  Oscar Romero proclaimed shortly before his death that if he were killed he would be resurrected in the Salvadoran People.  As we continue on our way I look forward to experiencing not only the stories of these people but the hope that has stemmed from those who have gone before!

Con bendiciones y amor,

Sara

Conmemorando

My Dear Friends,

In just a few days we will be celebrating Thanksgiving--a holiday that reminds us of family, friends, and all that is dear to us.  The older I get the more the holidays seem to evoke paradoxical emotions within me.  Certainly I am grateful and there is an obvious joy and happiness, but Thanksgiving was the time of year I lost my daddy. That first year we "celebrated" the holiday only 6 days after his funeral.   So, with that joy and happiness there is emptiness--an emptiness that will never be filled, nor should it be filled. Dietrich Bonhoeffer eloquently puts it:

“There is nothing that can replace the absence of someone dear to us, and one should not even attempt to do so. One must simply hold out and endure it. At first that sounds very hard, but at the same time it is also a great comfort. For to the extent the emptiness truly remains unfilled one remains connected to the other person through it. It is wrong to say that God fills the emptiness. God in no way fills it but much more leaves it precisely unfilled and thus helps us preserve -- even in pain -- the authentic relationship. Further more, the more beautiful and full the remembrances, the more difficult the separation. But gratitude transforms the torment of memory into silent joy. One bears what was lovely in the past not as a thorn but as a precious gift deep within, a hidden treasure of which one can always be certain.”

It seems appropriate that this year, the Saturday after Thanksgiving, I will be traveling to El Salvador with SHARE to remember the churchwomen who were martyred in 1980 .  Just last night on the evening news the State Department issued a world wide travel alert.  It reminded me of 2003 when George Bush told the nation that Americans should not be traveling to foreign countries as he announced the war with Iraq, a month later I was on a plane to Mexico.  I've never been tripped up by fear in my expeditions.  In fact many of my travels have begun with "travel alerts", "Under no circumstances should Americans travel to Nepal."  And yet in ignoring that message I found that  Kathmandu quickly became one of my favorite cities, and the Nepalese some of the most beautiful people I've had the pleasure of encountering.

And so despite terrorist  threats and fear instilled by the media I will go.  That sounds so cavalier of me, but let me assure you, there is a little piece inside me (as there was on all those other occasions) that says, "but, what if?"  But in that moment of doubt I am drawn into Jean Donovan's written words home expressing her own fear and discernment with it.

"The Peace Corps left today and my heart sank low.  The danger is extreme and they were right to leave . . . Now I must assess my own position, because I am not up for suicide.  Several times I have decided to leave El Salvador.  I almost could, except for the children, the poor, the bruised victims of this insanity.  Who would care for them?  Whose heart could be so staunch as to favor the reasonable thing in a sea of their tears and loneliness?  Not mine, dear friend, not mine."

She wrote this weeks before she was killed by a Death Squad.  I do not expect to be martyred, nor do I anticipate any issues in our travels--I would like to assure my family and friends that I am traveling with people who know the land and people and have created the safest environment possible for our pilgrimage. What I do hope to express to you all is that we cannot let fear hold us back from building relationships with the rest of humanity.  We should be tearing down walls, not building fences, and we should learn to love more deeply because it is through encountering the other that we learn something profound about our own human experience.

I do not know what the "connection" possibilities will be upon arrival, but as is possible I will update you here as I travel and grow and remember the Churchwomen of El Salvador.  Paz y bendiciones!

Con Amor,
Sara